The marginal utility of people

Sometimes you wonder if you are a mere grain in the cosmic sands of time.
Sometimes loved ones shun you away with a mere flick of their conscious mind.
Sometimes you feel like your parents have always loved your sibling more.
Sometimes you realise that your position in the house is just that of a borrowed arranger.
Sometimes, just sometimes, you think if  the space you occupy in your parents' mind is a little smaller today than yesterday.
What if we weren't dependable?
What if we weren't responsible? 

The feeling of feeling

Who dictates how you should feel?
Is it your past experience or the tremulous future? Is it worry or trepidation?
Or perhaps, the way you feel is a direct product of the nature of your surroundings?
Or maybe it's the result of the interaction between yourself and the larger whole, the universe at play, with it's myriad seasons and hues?
Or is it a conversation with your loved one, a happy peppy song in your heart or the ignominy of negligence?
Is it the tiny neurons in your system connecting impulses faster than you think, shaping your reactions?
Or is it that tiny tear in your heart each time someone tramples it?
We will never know.
We should never know.

Buy Now!!! Only for Today!! Hurry!

Last night when I was enjoying my daily dose of weepy soaps and laughable reality shows alongwith crispy homemade aloo ke parathe slathered with butter, I heard my phone tinkle with the arrival of an SMS. Thinking it must be one of the sales managers updating me with their day's sales on my personal number, I ignored it, knowing it could wait till I got the buttery goop off my fingers. After a couple of minutes, the phone buzzed angrily again, reminding me of my duty to check the SMS.
I discovered it was a message from Book Palace, a quaint little bookstore which I had stumbled upon while searching for a hardware store.
'Great discounts, amazing offers, many deals- on your favourite authors! Rush now! Hurry- valid till stocks last. Make the most of it TODAY!' screamed the message in all it's urgency. Today? Now? At 9:16 pm? The store itself shut at 9pm! They wanted me to visit a shut store possibly, to plunder it? Well however great my love for books, I was surely never going to stoop to such a low level! Me- steal? Never!
Obviously their SMS scheduler had run into timing problems. Or maybe they had a large database and my name, comprising of two last names had made it to the very last of their lists. 
Whatever the case was, I was certainly miffed, especially since I had to cut short my delicious dinner.
When I visited the store next, I pointed this out to the cashier, a buck toothed geeky oily fellow who looked like a character from one of the books themselves.
What can we do, madam? These cellphone operators!- and with that, he cleanly shrugged off all responsibility towards the offending message.
As for me, I now keep my phone on silent during important meal times. That way, I am tempted to HURRY! LAST DAY! TODAY! only in the land of dreams- as I check my phone last thing before dropping off to sleep!

Catch me if you can!

'Ok so we'll catch up soon,' finished my husband, as he deftly manouevered a piece of watermelon at the breakfast table in one hand, cellphone in the other.
Being unemployed and feeling quite anti-social at the moment (I'm just so content to lie in late and have the whole day to myself, instead of living it by hour long fragments of various meetings!) I have always found this 'catching up' business not quite to my taste.
Bordering on the edge between an extrovert and an introvert, I have my phases where I will slink away from all public glare, not talk to unnecessary people and maybe even avoid their calls.
Maybe it's just me, or all people suffer from this cloak of invisibility at times. And then I do all I can in my power to remain as far away from people as I possibly can.
So when well-meaning friends ask me to 'lets meet for coffee', I fob them off until i feel I'm ready to emerge from my cocoon. So far it's worked, but with everyone's busy schedule and hundreds of commitments, I doubt how long people will tolerate my sudden absences!

Mr Facemaker

I have a substitute cook these days. This man has a specialty of pulling the best faces you'd ever want to see in a man. 'Bharat,' I'd say-' why is there so much salt in this bhindi?' and he'd place his lips in a straight line- furrow his brows and slump his shoulders. Or, 'Bharat, why have you cooked a pressure cooker full of daal for just two people?' and he'd glare at me with raccoon like eyes, throw down the striped kitchen cloth and stomp off to the living room. Or even, 'Bharat, why are all these bottles lying face down, without their caps in the sink?', and his face would go into contortion overdrive.
True, he's just a substitute for my old and trusted cook, but so what- that doesn't give him the freedom to go around acting like one of Enid Blyton's characters! Sometimes, I'm tempted to tell him that his face may just freeze in the same grimace- if the wind blows in his direction!
The best face, however, was when he was leaving to go to his one room shack at night, and he reconfirmed 'have to make baigan in the morning for lunch, right?' and I asked him why asking right now- will you dream up the recipe at night and he smiled his crooked, paan stained teeth, looking more like an imp than a cook- maybe the greatest joke he had encountered in his life!!

Songstress

There's a tiny sparrow's nest just outside the kitchen window. This little nimble footed creature mostly hops to and fro through the metal wire grill, stopping for a few seconds to chirpity- chirp- chirp- chirp her way through. She's a lady cause only the lady-bird would do so much hopping, chirping and yet have enough stamina and energy to supervise her nest.
Sometimes her chirping is an incessant one, like she's urging the father to get some food- other times it's a soft almost melodious trill as she hops about her household work.
I imagine her nest (it's high up against the rafters so can't see it)- a warm comfy place built of straw and bits of dried leaves and twigs- holding a couple of hungry twittering mouths.
Once, early morning, as I was preparing breakfast in the kitchen, I heard the continuous twitter, much like a drone- and craned my neck outside the window to check what was happening. Wonder of wonders! The little Mrs Sparrow held a massive twig in her mouth- obviously too big for her to hold alone and frantically calling for help. I looked this way and that- thinking if I could just help her this once. But Mr Sparrow and I were too late as the twig fell down three floors below. I noticed the little birds. Though they seemed to stop chattering for a minute- just a minute, the next they were just the same- with Mrs Sparrow probably rebuking the father on why he'd left the birdlings alone at home for so long.
Life hands us lots of opportunities and chances. If one goes, we needn't be disappointed. There is always something better planned for us. God-the great mother hen of all of us, watches over us and ensures we always get better twigs. 
Always.

Winter oh Winter mornings!

Though I'm a self confessed fan of the great Indian summer, staying in Mumbai for the past eight years has brought back a sense of nostalgia I didn't think my weary bones had called for-
The slight tingle of the nascent Indian winter, characterised by that oh-so-welcome distinct crispness in the air!
Back home in Lucknow, known for it's exemplary winter days, the slight nip in the air- that feeling of distant Diwali around the corner- the air full of unlit firecrackers, the imaginary rustle of tearing off the labels from those string bombs, the smell of gunpowder permeating your fingers and making you dizzy with delight!
Of course, it's not as pronounced in Mumbai, will never be. Diwali isn't the biggest festival here- it's more of an occasion to burst 'em crackers to see which one makes the loudest noise.
But now, what I wouldn't give just to feel the starting of winter in the air!